How often do you visit your memories?

Memories, irrespective of whether they are good or bad, are nothing but the past. Memories:10795144aa4f32ae150be7204db59092

  • are constant.
  • create nostalgia.
  • create yearning for what was that can never be again – attachment.
  • rob us of our present moment.
  • prevent us from living in the moment.

Memories are important for our survival. Memory helped humans to evolve.  But sometimes we dwell in the past so much that we totally forget to live in the present moment.  Anything, like music, smell or a word, can trigger these memories.

b1420bdc7e2428d05eaa14470756b031Short-term memories, stored in hippocampus, like remembering password or a telephone number, are essential for proper daily functioning.  Long-term memories, stored in cortex, can be a blessing or a problem if we spend too much time.

Scientific studies have revealed that there is a chemical change during the first hour after a memorable event.  This change even alters protein structure. memories

It’s important to balance living in without too much dwelling into old memories.   How much time do you spend dwelling in the past by visiting your memories?

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

What type of a friend are you?

Be grateful for whoever comes, because each one has been sent as a guide from beyond images
– Rumi

I believe that we attract people who are a vibrational match to us.  Proverbs like, “Misery loves company,” and “Birds of feather flock together,” indicate that how like-minded people attract each other.  If we are feeling miserable we will attract others who feeling the same.  Here I’m talking about plutonic friendship, though some of it could be applied to a romantic relationship as well.

There are different types of friends and we need all of them, even those who gossip about us because they are teaching us a lesson.

Friendly relationship is like a wagon where each friend represents a wheel that carries, or doesn’t carry, the friendship forward.  Each friend deal with a relationship and this dealing goes into the buggy and depending on what and how we do things or talk to each other puts the wagon in two positions.

  • Tilted in one side or the other, depending on who wants more, causing the wagon to stop moving.
  • Balances itself in the correct position so that the wagon can move forward.

missing20quoteWe can spend hours with a true friend without saying a word because we feel accepted and do not have the need to explain ourselves.   Friendships and relationships  are there to teach us.  As Rumi said:

Always search for your innermost nature in those you are with, as rose oil imbibes from roses.

Types of friendships:

  • 50/50 friends: These friends have tit-for-tat attitude.  If you do something for them, only then they would do it for you.  If they have done something for you then they expect you to return their favor.
  • 30/70 or Leeches: They want to put only 30 percent or less effort in the relationship and expect you to do the rest.  This can, over time, exhaust us.  After a while I run away from such people.  They just want to grab things from others and suck their energy.  Run away.
  • Fair weather friends: These are the ones that we go out for coffee, laugh and talk in general but they do not care about our stories.  It’s important to have these friends especially if we move from country to country or different cities.   One can always rely on them to have good time  because they take our minds off of a serious issue.
  • Long-time friends: We met them a while back and we may not be in touch on regular basis but when we meet them we can remanence about the place we met or the time we spent together.  Facebook has helped boost such friendships, especially when are living far.   These friends come and go.  They bring new energy.
  • Childhood friends: Those who are lucky and spent their childhood in one place would have such friends. Meeting them is like rekindling the enthusiasm that we had as children.
  • True/honest friends: These type of friends are a rare species.  They keep us in check, 50e1e9ce80fe66c205443b0146381c0bbrutally point out our mistakes, listen to us, drive us crazy, argue with us, not talk for several days after the argument and we feel something broke.  A valuable connection got lost.  They give us honest advice which may even hurt us.  These friends really love us and wish nothing but good things for us.  I have one such friend and she drives me crazy because she never turns on her camera when we Skype.  But she was always there whether I needed serious help or wanted good time.  I’m so grateful for her.  The last time I visited her in Seychelles was in 2010, after being away from each other for almost ten years.  But the absence didn’t make any difference and we picked up where we had left.

What type of a friend you are?  What experiences you had with your friends?

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

How do you conquer yourself?

Today when I logged into the WordPress.com and saw Cheri Lucas Rowlands prompting us to write a post on the word ‘Conquer’.  That solved my problem because I couldn’t come up with today’s topic for my blogpost.

As children we think when we grow up we will conquer the world, which means that we would complete our education, get a job, get married, have children and live happily after.  Why happily ever after because if we do what we are told then there would be no end to our happiness and contentment. 55a4d55c037badc3c29358f05e275090

Unfortunately, the whole idea of happiness shatters when we do all the above and we are still not happy.

Why?

Because one thing missing in this picture is the habits, attitude and opinion that we acquire in the time we do all the above may not serve us, hence the unhappiness.  Over time we become so certain that our happiness evaporated because of other people and circumstances.  Not for a moment we think that our external world can never bring us contentment and happiness.  We, and only we, are responsible for our happiness.

quotation-bertrand-russell-fear-is-the-main-source-of-superstition-and-one-of-25-49-12When we realize the real source of happiness is in us we become afraid of losing our ideas that we held for so long.  We desperately cling to our old ideals that we saw our parents practicing.

But conquering that fear is the only way to achieve that happiness that was promised to us by the society.  It takes time to change the old habits but conquering our habits, attitude and opinions that don’t serve is the only way to our happiness.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

What sort of records you keep?

The word record always brings numbers to my mind, the numbers that we use to find out vinyl-records-quotesour financial health.  Many a times we stash away these numbers because we feel uncomfortable.  Keeping a record of taxes is one example and we dread the process of doing taxes.  Of course, there are music records and records of correspondence among many more things.

What’s an internal record    

One thing I never associated with the word record is how my mind keeps record of 7fd2fd66c8c168f2b0a596e4bb9a95f7events and all my life experiences since my childhood.  These records are the reason we judge other and ourselves because the grooves of these records are filled with intangible, difficult to grasp perceptions, thought processes, beliefs that we learned growing up.  External records like medical records, or financial records can be easily discarded or delete the external records, however, it’s the internal records that are more difficult to get rid of, especially if they are not serving us.  But the internal records, like musical vinyl records can have grooves where our beliefs and thoughts are stuck.  We keep playing those records and sometimes we have to dust them and clean the grooves and replace the ideas because they no longer serve us.   External noises, stimulus and interaction with others reinforce what’s saved in our internal records.

Getting rid of  internal records is a doorway to freedom:

  • Awareness is the first step of our beliefs and perceptions and how they affect our
    9d442619483974f2ca55e577debabb80

    Enter a caption

    lives.

  • Observing the repetitive patterns. Patterns that resemble the lyric that gets stuck in a groove which doesn’t let the record player needle move forward, are the ones we need to look out for.
  • Question patterns of anger, fear that may manifest as self or others-directed criticism, hatred, addiction, victimhood etc. are the ones that we need to be aware of.
  • Be willing to allow the light come in and work on it.
  • Get out of your mind by exercising or other activities that bring happiness and joy.
  • Stop looking for others’ approval.  Life is too long!!
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

Currency of Apology and Forgiveness

Choose the relationship over choosing to be right.   Dr. Wayne Dyer

07425af99dea1298302c9f5c20975f33 We all have been hurt by someone or we have hurt someone intentionally or unintentionally.  Sometimes we apologize but most of the time our ego makes others responsible for our feelings.

An apology should not have any strings attached:  Apologizing can be very difficult at times, because admitting to ourselves that we are wrong is the biggest embarrassment. It takes a lot of courage to apologize for one’s action.  However, people sometimes just say, “I’m sorry.”  It’s important to explain why one is sorry and what or how their action has harmed the other person, emotionally, psychologically or even physically.

While apologizing we have to remember that people will accept our apology, or forgive us in their own time.  So, after apologizing don’t expect others to be normal before the incident happened. Everyone has their own currency of apology.  Some may accept the three words, while others may want to hear more.  Like why the person is apologizing and if they are aware of how it impacted us.

Some people bring themselves up to apologizing but then they turn it around and blame 7df96e0610dce981273dcfa5d4f5a607the person from whom they are apologizing.  Someone once apologized to me and to acknowledge the person’s greatness I said, “I’m sorry that my presence upset you.”  Right away the person said, “Yes, you need to apologize as well,” despite knowing that they were at fault.

Sometimes people just say, “I’m sorry,” and forget about it and expect the other person would forgive them.  But then they do the same thing again and again and think that three words would resolve everything.  Run away from these people.  Have minimum interaction with such family members.

Forgiveness also requires a big heart: When we are at the receiving end we have to fc2603d6cc173fb80e65e61771d62164consider how the person had courage and bravery to apologize.  Even if we feel hurt we have to think of the other person.  Forgiveness is more difficult than apology.  It also requires loving the other person and takes a lot of courage to forgive.

Besides, festering a hurt only hurts us further.  It’s like the other person hurts us once and we are hurting ourselves, over and over again by thinking about it.   Hence, forgiveness is very important, irrespective of whether the other person apologizes for their wrong actions or not.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Is Trump gaslighting America?

f0d571ed67a49e20e1b5ae949a29e031Many, many years ago I promised that I would never write about politics.  But I broke that promise in 2015  when I wrote an article on the presidential candidate Trump.

Why?  Well, as we all know he is a bigot, misogynist, sexist, two-faced person, and the list goes on and on.  In short, he had qualities of a gaslighter aka abuser.  There is something about abusers that I can’t resist but write, especially having lived with one and come in contact with some others.

Gaslighters or abusers, whether a member of a household or in charge of a nation, have similar behavioral patterns.  They want to be in control and feel powerful, and they use similar strategies in order to get that control and serve themselves, at all costs.   reversegaslighting

Diversion:  This strategy is used to divert the attention from the real issues, especially if the gaslighter’s victim stands up to them.  Trump and his staff have used diversions like Bowling Green massacre and terrorist attacks in Sweden when his presidency is attacked.  This is to divert attention from Russian connection.

 Playing a victim:  At a personal level gaslighters say that their life is miserable because others are sensitive.  Trump is playing a victim by saying that media gives “fake” news.  He also lamented about Nordstorm for ditching Ivanka’s brand.

Create chaos:  Purpose of this strategy is to divert attention from themselves.  Anti-Trump marches and rallies were focused on him.   Trump’s executive order about Muslim ban created chaos.  It diverted the attention from him.

Project their lies onto others:  Gaslighters are liars and to hide this fact about themselves they lie about others.  Trump first said it was a Muslim ban and then he said it’s not a Muslim ban.  Then he spread the rumor about terror attacks in Sweden.  Then he calls the news, that doesn’t serve him, “fake” news.

Blame game:  Gaslighters hold others responsible for whatever is happening, or not happening, instead of taking responsibility for their actions and their lies.  Trump, starting from his campaign until now, has called the media being unfair to him and now he calls every news “fake” news if it’s not promoting him.  He also blames Muslim for America’s security problems.

Greed and selfishness has no limit:  Like leeches gaslighters steal  others’ money and suck their energy.  They want to have luxurious lifestyle using others’ money.  Trump’s first month travel expenses are approaching to what Obama spent in a year.   While he is promoting his business interest, his budget proposal cuts programs for the poor.

Double standards:   While Trump used Clinton’s email against her, he openly discussed national security issues with the Japanese president Abe, in a private club, in the presence of other guests.

screen_shot_2014-09-07_at_12-29-48_pmHis followers, like the victim(s) of a gaslighter, are believing in everything he says.  Gaslighters play with psychology of others until they are completely brain-washed against themselves.

The only remedy to stop such people in power is nipping them in the bud.  The gaslighting has to stop at a family level so that it doesn’t spread to a country, the way Trump is doing in America, or the way dictators do it.  Well, law makers and judiciary has to take a drastic measure in order to stop Trump from gaslighting America.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The Fallen Penny!

With the political turmoil created with current government, I intensified my spiritual endeavors.  As a result, I look into every situation with the idea of what lesson I can learn.

pennyOne morning, as I was walking across the street after parking the car, I remembered I left my wallet in the car so I went back to the garage.  On the way I saw a penny covered with black dirt. I thought I will pick it up, look up in the sky and say, “I’m a money magnet. Thank you, thank you, thank you universe,” something they said in the Millionaire Mind seminar I attended years ago.  I told myself that I would get a tissue paper from the car and pick the penny up on the way back and give gratitude.

After getting the wallet I headed home and looked and looked for the penny but didn’t find it.  I was perplexed as to where it could have gone.  I thought it might have gotten lost somewhere in the tarmac road.

front-dirty-penny-11753774

The Fallen Penny

It struck me that when coins are minted they are fresh, and shiny and their purpose is to serve people and bring comfort in their lives.  But over time, their users, humans, misuse them by putting them everywhere, until they are covered with muck and do not or cannot help people.

I thought this is how humans, just like the penny, are filled with love when we come to this world but then as we are growing up we learn to lie, hate, cheat and be unjust to others. We stop serving others and ourselves.  This is equivalent of invisible muck and we are not even aware of. We get into depression and become addicted to all sorts of things and lose our true value, just like the fallen penny.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment