Seeking approval is making yourself a victim

“The only permission, the only validation and the only opinion, that matter in our quest for greatness is our own” –  Dr. Steve Marabeli.

I was on the phone with my sister and she said something like this: “You talked about…”  In saying-no-1Pakistani culture when we use the word “talk”, it means we are complaining or gossiping.  It’s like going to someone and especially bring a certain topic about oneself or a person(s).  What I had done was express my opinion in the discussion that was started by a third person who was present at the time. 

My immediate response was to tell my sister c4075ed709e560538ecba53d6a39f767-jalaluddin-rumi-rumi-quotesthat I didn’t talk.  I just expressed my opinion.  I badly wanted to set it right and call her right away.  But then I asked myself why do I want to convince her so badly that I just expressed my opinion.  Would it change anything?  I realized what I wanted was a validation.  Validation that I didn’t do anything wrong. 

I realized when we want validation from others, we stay in a victim mode.  We think we can be good only when the other person gives us a stamp of approval.  This way we give power to the other person to tell us whether we are good or not.  Do they approve of us or not.  The only validation that counts is that our own.  That’s is not to say that it’s ok to misbehave or mistreat others. 

How or when do you seek others’ approval?  The more we seek approval, the more we treat ourselves as a victim.  Stop seeking others’ approval!

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When was the last time…?

I don’t even remember when I wrote the last blog. This is what happens on a vacation.  It’s high time that I get in the gear.   But I had no idea what to write about so I visited wordpress webpage to get a word to write the blog about. What caught my attention was amble.  One of the meanings given in a dictionary is, “walk or move at a slow, relaxed pace.”

 stop-and-smell-the-rosesBut in today’s goal oriented life we don’t have time to slow down.  Because we are not content with what we have so we have to do and strive for better.  To do so we have to compete with others.  This makes life hectic and we are left with no time.  We go through the day on an auto pilot.  We forget to appreciate those around us, at home, on the way to the office, neighbors or anyone who crosses our path.  We miss the great connection of humanity, of oneness that amble would bring. 

 When was the last time you walked at a slow and relaxed pace?  When was the last time maxresdefaultyou returned the smiled to a stranger or returned a stranger’s smile with an open smile and not with pursed lips?  When was the last time you ambled with the intention of smelling flowers or feeling them with the back of your hand?

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Can someone please tell me?

 OMG!!!

I haven’t written a blogpost for the last, almost, three weeks.  Not that I hadn’t been writing in my mind. It’s not because I had been lazy, as some of my family members and friends would testify. It’s just that I was so distracted that I didn’t even think about writing something.  hemispheremap

 The trip to the southern hemisphere had been filled with really thinking about the mind set of people, including me, in the northern hemisphere as opposed to the southern ones. I always felt that there is nervous energy in the countries, that I have lived or visited, but the southern hemisphere countries are much calmer.  Mind you that I have been only to four countries in the southern hemisphere. 

 People somehow, seem to trust the flow of life.  There is no rush, no hurry and everything chi-clock-calendar-and-map-002gets done, just the way it’s done by people living in the northern hemisphere. 

 Is it because more people focus on goals and think that’s the only way to have a life – by being a go-getter.  Not that people in the SH don’t do that.  I always ask myself how can I be so calm and patience.

Please let me know if you have an answer.

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 Land of Kookaburras

Arrived in Sydney early morning.  Tired? Over 14 hours of flight.   No way Hmm… How come?  You see I like to travel in style.  87d6cb9413481d7f7d355aae77683b8b

After dinner of I changed into jamies (as Aussies call pajamas), lifted three arm rests, put a couple of pillows at one end and the remaining two, along with two plastic bag-encased folded blankets, at the other end.  Then I lay on four seats, opened two remaining blankets and stretched on four seats.  Four for the price of one!!!  What a great deal.

“We need to leave you on a beach with a case of beer,” said my Aussie colleagues and I would invariably protest, “But I don’t drink.”  The point they were making was that I needed to relax because I took life too seriously and worked too hard.

Aussies love to party and know how to enjoy themselves.  I was surprised how even the crew was so relaxed and smiling throughout the flight which was almost 15 hours.

I must confess I watched a very moving movie “A United Kingdom”.  I’m not going to write about it because it would spoil the fun in case you want to watch it. Then I started my beauty nap on my bed, thanks to Qantas.  I think four seats could be called as bed.  Wouldn’t you agree?

Woke up with a wonderful smell of food.  Had a breakfast of sautéed vegetables and a potato patty, changed my clothes and in no time we were landed in Sydney international airport. Somehow Colorado Springs always make me forget about great diversity in aunewzpopulation.

The immigration officer asks me where I was going next and I said, “Perth.”  He says, “After getting out of here, turn right and at the end and then turn right when you see McDonalds.

 “Oh, I can’t get rid of golden arches even here?????

 When I went to the domestic airport the first restaurant I stumble upon is Mexican.  How did this come here?  But I was rather glad with familiar food after about 15 hours of flight.  Oh, how will I go to all the places?

 

 

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What strategies do you use to get rid of procrastination?

Ok, once again I haven’t written the blog for the last three weeks. I’m blaming my lack of writing to.  I know, I know, instead of taking responsibility for not writing I’m blaming what’s happening in the political arena.

But what I realize is that my relationship with politics is similar to my (ex) marital relationship. Somehow this is what I do when I feel strongly about a situation.

  1. Like and ostrich, I bury my head in sand, wishing or rather thinking that the situation would go away when I take out my head, after laying dormant for a while.
  2. I avoid any discussion about the topic that makes me uncomfortable.
  3. Procrastination hangs over my head like a sharp guillotine blades and I continue to procrastinate.

I realized that denying will not make the issues go away.  I have resolved this thing in my personal relationships but not with my relationship with what’s going on in the politics.

What strategies do you use to avoid facing an issue?  How do you come out of it?

11-procrastination

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Is the word survive used to indicate victimhood?

Every language projects the culture of its people.  Some languages, like English, French are spoken in more than one country, while others are spoken in one country only, or in the territories bordering that country, at the most.   survival-quote-7-picture-quote-1

Even when one language is spoken in several countries across the continent, every day words change to indicate our culture.  Let’s take the word ‘Survive’.  This one word indicates so many things about a culture at micro-level.

According to Oxford Dictionaries, “survival is the state or fact of continuing to live or exist, typically in spite of an accident, ordeal, or difficult circumstances.” 

473617713-things-i-need-to-survive-life-funny-quotes-sayings-picturesBut we have nullified the actual meaning by using it for trivial things.  For instance, we say, I survived her constant chattering.  Though listening to an extremely talkative person is not an ordeal to the extent that it could endanger our existence.Why do we use words to show the world how brave we are or what a difficult task I accomplished?  It could also reflect on how much of a victim we feel we are.

Do you use certain words for the sake of the above mentioned feelings? If so, then why?

 

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Why we wait for big events to celebrate

In every country and every culture, across all races and ethnicity, people have special birthday-quote-by-oprah-winfreydays to celebrate.  These days may mark religious, personal, historical events and tradition.

The question is that why do we wait for some particular dates or time to come so that we could celebrate.  In the olden days, in some culture people even celebrated the start of the season.

Celebrate every day:                                      

today-celebration

Every morning, after we wake up, the first thing when we open our eyes, is to celebrate our live, our breath that keeps us alive.  Why wait until we get a material thing.

 

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