Seeking approval is making yourself a victim

“The only permission, the only validation and the only opinion, that matter in our quest for greatness is our own” –  Dr. Steve Marabeli.

I was on the phone with my sister and she said something like this: “You talked about…”  In saying-no-1Pakistani culture when we use the word “talk”, it means we are complaining or gossiping.  It’s like going to someone and especially bringing a certain topic about oneself or another person.

In my sister’s case, what I had done was express my opinion in the discussion that was started by a third person.

My immediate response was to tell my sister c4075ed709e560538ecba53d6a39f767-jalaluddin-rumi-rumi-quotesthat I didn’t talk.  I just expressed my opinion.  I badly wanted to set it right and call her right away.  But then I asked myself why do I want to convince her so badly that I just expressed my opinion.  Would it change anything?  I realized what I wanted was a validation.  Validation that I didn’t do anything wrong.

I also realized when we want validation from others, we stay in a victim mode.  We think we can be good only when the other person gives us a stamp of approval. This way we give power to the other person because we usually translate their approval or disapproval as others telling us wether we are good or bad.  The only validation that counts is our own.  That’s is not to say that it’s ok to misbehave or mistreat others.

How or when do you seek others’ approval?  The more we seek approval, the more we treat ourselves as a victim.  Stop seeking others’ approval!

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