Unhappy mind is unforgiving mind. “The unforgiving mind is full of fear and offers love no room to be itself. It is torn with doubt, confused about itself and all it sees…” ACIM
We all want to be happy. But do we really know how to be happy. One common way is to set up goals so that after achieving them we feel happy. Then that happiness vanishes and we are back to square one and then we look at things, people and events that can bring happiness to us. So we look outwards and expect from others to make us happy.
Happiness is a learned behavior:
A friend’s husband was always grumpy. He would never laugh, unless people he bullied cried. He always had a scowl and even clenched his lips when smiling. Children learn from their parents because they were unhappy, manipulative, abusive and unloving. But at some point in life adults have to put a stop to it in order to bring happiness to themselves and to people around.
Of course, we can never be happy 24/7 because we are human and our emotions fluctuate. The difference between normal and habitually unhappy people is that latter are constantly looking for ways to be unhappy, either about themselves or mostly about others.
Strategies for dealing with unhappy people:
- Ignore their rants, for even if you did something to make them happy they would find something else in you to be unhappy about.
- Never engage with them because they are never interested in working on a problem. Their only aim is to complain argue or badger others, with the purpose of intimidating.
- Avoid their company.
- Stand up for yourself and let them know that you are not intimidated of their threats or tactics.
If we do any of the following things, then we have to ask ourselves why are we unhappy and what can we do to change our pattern.
Unhappy people are either:
- Complainers, or
- Complainer and aggressive
Complainers always find something, certain people, or life experiences to complain about. They always feel miserable because they think:
- Others are taking advantage of them.
- They are always giving to others.
- If something has to go wrong it will.
- Even if things go their way they will find faults.
It’s best to leave such people to their own devices.
Type B unhappy people are a different ball game. First they complain and then become aggressive and bullies. It’s important to not take a bait they use to attack. At times it’s important to stand up to them but it’s not worth spending time or energy on them. Such people use every possible tactic to intimidate others. They:
|Don’t like happy people.||Quickly get sick.|
|Don’t like orderly life.||Can never be pleased, no matter what.|
|Are lazy and always looking for a fight.||Don’t like people who stand up to their bullying.|
|Bully others in order to feel good.||Are nitpickers.|
|Thrive in chaos because this way they avoid looking at their own behavior.||Are self-serving dictators who want absolute control and want people to be afraid of them.|
|Are mean, manipulators, arrogant, controlling and cunnings.||Go back on their words and complain that others are not keeping their word.|
|Are always rude and lie.||Can never, ever be happy.|
|Are never grateful or do anything useful for others.||Are moochers and take from others, be it money, time or anything els|
Our traits that rob us of happiness:
|Thought or Action||Underlying Reason|
|Don’t like someone happy.||Envy|
|Cannot see others laughing.||Jealousy|
|Criticize others’ laughter.||Self-pity and Control|
|Blame others for their unhappiness.||Victimhood|
|Nitpicking||Low self-esteem and low self-image|
|Seek negative reaction from others.||Passive-aggressive negativity|
How do you define happiness?