مجھے اپنوں نے لوٹا،غیروں میں کہاں دم تھا؟ میری کشتی تھی ڈوبی جہاں پانی کم تھا۔
My own robbed me and strangers didn’t have any strength My ship sank in the shallow waters –Illama Iqbal
In spiritually we are all connected. Grievance is an act of ego because it separates us from others. Whether we express our grievances or not, it separates us from those we have grievance against; no matter how loving they may be. It’s the individualism or physical reality that separate us and we start finding faults in others. Separateness always creates suffering, because it pulls away love.
Grievances could be real or imagined:
Grievances could be real or imagined. Personalities play a lot of part. When we hold grievance we remove ourselves from love. In some philosophies they say the mind swings between love and fear. We have grievance against others when we fear that we haven’t been respected or we didn’t get what was our right. Once an acquaintance of mine, after a visit to an office, said how the man, she went to meet, didn’t even offer her to sit. So she kept standing for ten minutes while they discussed things. I told her that it’s a common courtesy, irrespective of culture. But if he didn’t then she should have sat on one of the chairs. Another person had grievance against some family members or visitors that didn’t do exactly as he wanted them to do. So, he would put them down by talking against them behind their back and even bullied them on their face, because of his grievances, and blamed them even for his behavior. Grievance closes our eyes and mind so we stop seeing any good in others.
Underlying causes of grievance could be:
|Victim mentality||A way to get attention|
|Feeling of entitlement||To bully|
|Feeling unworthy – lack of self-respect||Selfishness|
|Feeling unloved||Not taking responsibility for one’s behavior|
|Feeling competition with others that one holds grievance against||Passive aggressive form of controlling others|
If unchecked grievance can become an addiction and every incident further isolates us. Grievance is a trap of unhappiness. One incident perpetuates another and then, over time, it becomes a vicious cycle. Of course there are times when a genuine reason causes a grievance. In that case it should be solved. But if unchecked the habit of holding grievances can become like what Illama Iqbal, Muslim philosopher and Urdu poet of early 20th century said: ship will sink in the shallowest of waters. We’ll spend a lonely, unhappy life and our hearts will be shriveled until there will be no more left!
Let’s open ourselves to receiving love in 2017. Let’s give gratitude to wash away your grievances!!