What are you attached to?

For the last three Sundays I couldn’t do much and that also included not writing a blog for three consecutive Sundays.  Believe it or not it was because of what had been happening on the political scene.  I guess I am not the only one who felt that way.  I realized I was so attached to the outcome of 2016 elections, and my party didn’t win.

So, what is attachment?  I asked a friend and she said, “It’s co-dependence.”  To me an attachment creates expectations which if fulfilled result in elation, otherwise they cause disappointments.  But attachment is a normal emotional behavior, and it’s all right to be attached to a thing once in a while. Of all the definitions I really like this one by Mary Ainsworth

But the trouble starts when attachment becomes a habit.  Habit of getting attached to a certain lifestyle, behavior, thought process, and treating others starts in childhood.

According to John Bowlby, attachment is “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings.” Childhood, he suggested, “plays a critical role in the formation of attachments and early experiences could have an impact on the relationships people form later in life.”

Attachments formed in childhood gets embedded in our habits and personality to the extent that we start recreating our childhood patterns as adults.

For instance, we get attached to our habits, thoughts and things that we surround ourselves with; even if they don’t serve us.  This attachment causes problems especially when or if we are attached to negativity so much that we complain about everything that surrounds us and everyone around us, be it at home or outside home.  Gradually our attachment, if we allow, results in self-sabotaging our relationships.  If we do not stop ourselves it can destroy us, our relationships and everything that brings joy.

We do everything thing in order to be happy but being happy is not that simple because happiness is a double-edged sword.  We can either spread happiness or beg other people or things to provide us happiness.  When others cannot, or we think they do not, make us happy then this turns into a desire to control.  We think by controlling others and dictating to them or forcing them to obey our every whim and wish, we will be happy.  This creates addictions and negative habits that destroy all relationships even with people who most love us.  Because addiction be it to objects, hobbies, alcohol, sex, extra marital relationships, drugs, can never satisfy the inner craving for happiness.

Some individuals are always looking for excuses to start a fight with co-workers or their spouses because they are so  unhappy and they cannot even see love family is extending to them.  Instead, these individuals, are focused on controlling family members’ movements, their timings, their social interactions, and even their freedom to socialize on their own.  This was because these individual always feel miserable inside and don’t realize that they are addicted to the habit of making themselves miserable.

People addicted to misery thrive on negativity because it’s not easy to let go of the attachment.  This attachment is developed in their childhood because that’s what they saw growing up.  Here is a good article on attachment:

https://kolickcoaching.wordpress.com/2015/04/02/why-we-love-the-way-we-do/

Attachment to negativity results in mental and physical health problems., The following video discusses certain reasons for behavioral attachment.  Addiction to misery can be develop when the mother or caregiver is not emotionally available to the infant.  This results in child never getting a chance to express their emotions and feelings to the mother.  Such children grow up to be not only anxious but also mistrusting of the gender of their caregiver.

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