Everything that exists in your life exists because of you, because of your behavior, words and actions. Be accountable. Google
Life is but relationships: Relationship with ourselves, our family, loved ones, co-workers, bosses, even relationship with our gadgets, cars and with our pets. But in this post I will only talk about relationship with other humans.
Every relationship reflects what sort of relationship we have with us:
The way we treat others is how we treat ourselves. Our relationship with ourselves affect our quality of life. To find out the sort of relationship we have with ourselves we can ask the following questions:
- How do we feel most of the time?
- Are we relaxed and happy on the average?
- Are we tired, angry and stressed out most of the time because we don’t have enough money, or people around us are giving a hard time?
- Are we always focused on creating drama in every situation, rather than choosing peace and love?
Then we can ask how does our own relationship affect others.
Are we aware of your actions?
If on the average, we are relaxed and happy then we are aware of our actions and their consequences. Of course there will be times that we will be frustrated and tired but this will be an exception rather than the norm.
But when the norm for us is feeling frustrated, angry, and stressed out, our quality of life will not be good for us. If we punch others with our frustrations once a week or a few times a week, it means that we think ourselves as the victim. Once we are in victimhood we start playing the blame game. Over time we start believing that others are making us feel miserable.
Embracing victimhood means we stop taking responsibility for our feelings and resultant actions.
How does Not taking responsibility look like?
|Habits We Develop||Our Behavior||Reason|
|Lack of self-respect||If we don’t respect ourselves we’ll never respect others and our surroundings. We use swear words.||We never learned self-respect|
|Lack of respect for others||We become selfish and don’t care about others. We label others and use bad words.||Lack of self-respect|
|Envy and Jealousy||It could be being jealous of others simply because they are having a good time.||Low self-image|
|Being angry and badgering others||Feeling a victim. Ego plays victimhood either through anger or through self-pity.||Victimhood|
|Unhappy most of the time||If we grew up in a manipulative environment where everyone was unhappy because they were thinking to outwit others. We cannot embrace love and peace.||Selfishness and inability to give and accept love|
|Blaming others for our moods||Avoiding an introspection because we are addicted to blaming others and we are lazy and don’t want to work on ourselves.||Selfishness convenience and additiction|
|Controlling others||Instead of controlling our thoughts, habits and actions that create our emotions, we think controlling others will remove our miserable feelings. So we either nitpick or dictate what others have to do or how they should behave in our presence. Instead of controlling our own feelings and emotions we think by controlling others our icky feelings will go away! But they increase because we can never control others.||Feeling insecure|
|Not be able to see happy people||We feel good only when others are feeling miserable so we bring them down by shouting at them in order to create fear. Badger them about something until we think we have broken others’ will to be happy.||Self-pity and envy|
|Becoming an abuser||We shout in order to control others and it becomes a habit. If practice long enough it becomes an abuse.||Abusive behavior|
|Feel isolated||People avoid our company and have minimum interaction with us. We feel safe in this because, unfortunately, we don’t feel comfortable in interaction with others.||Inability to give and accept love
|Punishing others by withdrawing from them||Because we always blame others for every unwanted feelings and emotions we punish them by not talking to them. This is cyclically replaced with angry outbursts.||Low self-worth|
Results of taking responsibility:
We can free ourselves from all the above misery any time. It only requires taking responsibility for our feelings and resultant actions. Nothing is impossible. We can always take some steps to change ourselves. It will take time to undo what we have learned over the years but once we take the responsibility for our happiness and our actions we would live a different life.
Set yourself up for success:
- Look inside to find out why you are feeling the way you are. Is it a habit that you have developed growing up?
- If so, then think how it is serving you.
- Think of steps that can be taken to override the habit.
- Take a baby step at a time.
- Reward yourself every time you circumvent any of the above feelings or habits. It could be a simple pat on the back or writing your successes daily and being grateful to yourself for making the change. This will also increase your self-worth and you will build self-respect.
- If you revert back to the old habits, immediately look at the notes you may have written to remind you how and when you have been successful.
- Focus on the positive changes you made.
More reading: http://respectyourself.org.uk/take-responsibility-for-your-own-actions/.
What if someone refuses to take responsibility for their actions and emotions:
In order to deal with people who refuse to take responsibility for their actions always remember this saying: We can never change others. The only person we can change is ourselves. No one’s feelings are caused by others.
A short and sweet video on taking responsibility for your feelings, actions and your life: