Letting go is a skill:
Letting go is a skill that we have to develop. As infants we cling to our mothers for our survival and then we become a little independent as toddlers. That’s the beginning of the stretching of mother-child bond. Then we grow up, leave the house and become independent.
Living a second hand life:
Along the way we learn habits and attitudes that affect us and our relationships. Many a times these habits and attitude may not serve us because we have learned from our friends and families. We have learned the pain and joy not through our own experience but through the lenses of other people. We never think that this way of living is second hand living. Imagine how many internal battles do we fight on a daily basis because we are living second hand lives, and we do not even realize it.
Second hand life creates fear:
Living a second hand life creates fear within us, fear of the unknown, fear of others, fear of new things. We become afraid that others will invade our space if we don’t control them, or let them be who they are.
Fear creates desire to control:
Gradually fear gives way to desire to control things and people in our surroundings because we think that if we don’t control or destroy the unknown then the unknown will destroy us. Fear also creates the desire to control our circumstances, surroundings, relationships and people close to us. Gradually the desire to control those things leads to a tunnel vision which then changes into, what I call, pinhead vision. Pinhead because all we see is one thing: Others don’t comply with my wishes. If practiced enough this could turn into paranoia and then we lie, misinterpret conversations and manipulate situations to serve ourselves. Wars are waged and relationships are destroyed because of fear and desire to control.
Sings of pinhead vision:
Telltale signs of pinhead vision are:
- Feeling a victim.
- Suffering from recurring sickness.
- Always feeling miserable.
- Believing other people are ruining our life and relationships.
- Blaming others for everything.
- Never taking responsibility for our actions and feelings.
- Lack of friends and lack of social life; being reclusive.
The other side of the pinhead vision is love and light, inclusivity and laughter, fun and joy, and abundance of health.
It’s neither impossible nor too late to change. The best way is to question our actions and our motives behind them. Observe the people who were your role model and who taught you the pinhead vision. Then ask yourself:
- What sort of life they are living?
- Are they happy or miserable?
Guess what! Our relationships usually reflect the relationship we grew up experiencing and seeing. We could ask ourselves some of the questions to see if we are suffering from pinhead vision.
- How is my health? Do I recurrently get the same sickness?
- Do my actions make me and people surrounding me happy?
- Am I addicted to manipulating a situation in order to make myself and others miserable?
- How has the pinhead vision or control served me so far?
Letting go can be mastered:
Letting go is not easy but it’s a skill that can be learned. Once mastered the benefits will be so obvious that we would wonder why didn’t we even think of it earlier. The first step is being aware of one’s motives and actions. The second step is to reassure ourselves that the new behavior and actions are safe.
Let go a little pinhead by a little pinhead and allow the light and love fill you up.
Life is much more than controlling our surroundings and feeling miserable!