It was time for my friend’s contract renewal. The boss emailed her, along with her colleagues, and asked them to stop by the office. So they all went to the boss’s office. Her colleagues signed a paper and they were handed a brown manila envelope with their contract enclosed. When my friend’s turn came, her boss said that the management would decide only after observing her performance.
The friend asked if the boss could put a good word for her to the management. They they started talking and at the end of the conversation my friend got so dejected and depressed that she couldn’t sleep; not because her contract was not renewed but because of her boss’ remarks. The next day she went to confront the boss about demeaning comments. The moment my friend said to the boss that she had come to discuss their conversation the boss said, “Oh, you came to get your power back.”
My friend was shocked at the fact that the boss knew what she was doing. Instead of directly answering the boss, my friend confronted her about demeaning comments.
My friend heard about her contract not being renewed, she right away experienced low self-esteem and she put the boss on a pedestal. Others can never take our power away if do not allow it. Lori Thayer talks about how we give our power away.
What is power? There are different categories of power, for instance, political power, monetary, social power, positional power. But the most important power is internal or personal power.
Personal power: Personal power is related to self-esteem. It affects our work, relationship and life in every way. Without internal power a relationship will never be balanced. Without our own power we will look at others for validation to feel worthy. In order to keep the personal power we have to:
- Value yourself. Don’t multiply what you do with a zero.
- Don’t compare yourself with others. Everyone is on a different journey.
- Express our opinion assertively, instead of keeping quiet. It means allowing yourself express your opinion and allowing others to to do so, as well.
- Don’t focus on pleasing others all the time. While it’s important to be courteous and polite to others, we don’t always have to do things for other people’s sake.
- Take care of yourself first. Before take off and landing of a plane the airline staff always say something like this: in case of an emergency landing oxygen masks will drop down. Put the mask first on yourself and then assist others.
- Do not put yourself in a situation where you ask others to help you because they may not be in a position to do so because they may put you down because when we put someone up on the pedestal, they realize that they can’t deliver and it may feel them bad about themselves. So they may put you down to get out of the situation.
Have you every given your power away? Share your ideas and experience.