I put all my trust in you = giving your power away

the-4-levels-of-trust

A fifth square partly crossing all the square should also read: “Benefit of the Doubt

What is TRUST?

According to merriam-webster dictionary trust is belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc.

But trust is a very complicated word. The above concept of trust must have come about with industrial revolution, when people wanted to have control over things. A factory wanted to trust suppliers so they could make their produce on time and sell it to make money and pay all their employees, etc., etc.

Trouble starts when same definition is used in relationships because we are humans and by default we err.

1379879747In olden days people must have accepted or trusted life events as they unfolded and believed that whatever life offered was for their highest good. But now we have become control freaks because we want instant gratification. Anything that doesn’t let that happen frustrates us and we lose trust in the process or the person.

Depending on the way we use the word, I think, it would either ruin or build relationship with ourselves and with others.

The letters in TRUST stand for: Truth, Responsibility, Unity, Service and Transparency.  This all seems great if a person can deliver all of the qualities 100% of the time. Can we always embrace these qualities? Immediate answer may be yes but think again, if it’s true or not. If others trusted you with their secret and if you mentioned it to someone else even to your closest friend who, you know will never repeat, you have broken their trust.

Here is another example of breech of trust. Once I was sitting with a friend when I received a phone call from another friend. I put the phone on the speakerphone because I didn’t want to hold the phone next to my ears. (Yes, yes, I could’ve used headphones but I didn’t) It was a brief call and after exchanging pleasantries my friend confirmed the time of our meeting and we ended the conversation.

“Do you know you have just betrayed your friend’s trust?” said my friend who was visiting me.

“No,” I replied, perplexed, because I had not breached any promise or divulged any secret. But my friend said, “When your friend called she didn’t know that I would be listening to her conversation. It doesn’t matter even if it was about confirming the meeting.”

That was something to think about.

Trusting can be like giving our power away:

When we say words like I put my trust in you, it means we are giving our power away by expecting that others would comply with our wishes. Our heart breaks if they don’t.

Then we start focusing on building trust and it becomes difficult because humans will fail us, not because of us but because humans, by default, err.

8efe3f42a23bf9d34635432f7aa4aa77Next time be careful when you use the word TRUST. Think what exactly does it mean to you in order to avoid falling into the trap created by EGO!

We can always ask questions like Am I:

  1.  Expecting others to do what I want them to do?
  2. Avoiding responsibility of relying on myself when we put our trust in others?
  3. Expecting too much from others?
  4. Putting the person I am trusting on a pedestal? Will the person be able to deliver what I am expecting?

Different questions to ask ourselves are:

  1. What would we do if they don’t measure up to our expectations?
  2. Would we stop respecting them because they broke our trust?
  3. Would we learn a lesson from the situation if someone promised to do something and didn’t?

This is not to say that we can’t trust others at all.

What is trust to you? Please share your thoughts.

 

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6 Responses to I put all my trust in you = giving your power away

  1. I’m thinking about this now that you have pointed out what trust can mean, and how we can distort it as humans. Thank you for sharing. This is quite thought-provoking.

  2. majdar2000 says:

    Thank you Kim for your valuable input. I hope this helps in the future. We can always think of what we want but if we want to be honest then the basic thing is to keep our power instead of giving it away; in order to avoid being a victim.

  3. James Stack says:

    We don’t live in a perfect world, therefore, we need to be able to trust others, or else we would be hermits. I recommend that we acknowledge “Levels” of trust. For even those who have “betrayed” my trust are still friends. That is, those who unknowingly (like putting someone on speaker phone when someone else is present yet unknown to the speaker on the other end) betray it. Even those who do, yet do so because they believe in their heart that they are doing the right thing, are still friends. And it goes from bad to worse from there.

    Having grown up in an abuse environment, I have allowed others to abuse me since it was what I knew and was accepting of it. However, I learned to love myself and realized that was not a healthy way to live. Today I make judgements on trust and betrayal. There are degrees/levels.

    That’s my advice. Thanks for the post. We don’t often think about trust.

  4. majdar2000 says:

    Thank you so much James for stopping by. I totally agree with you that we can’t live like hermits. The interesting point about abuse is that in abusive situation our trust is broken again and again. Having been at the receiving end I realized that I didn’t learn the lesson because, like you, that’s what I thought was normal. Another thing, you so rightly pointed out, that there are degrees of trust. Above all, we don’t allow others abuse our trust. Thank you for sharing another angle of trust. I will remember your points.

  5. Leslie says:

    The questions you ask us to think about are very thought provoking; “trust”, at first, seems like such a simple thing! But there really is so much more to it; thank you for making me think outside the box!!

  6. majdar2000 says:

    I always enjoy reading your comments. I am glad that you liked the post presenting the topic in a different way. Thank you Leslie for stopping by.

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