“We should all aim for a ‘loosening of thinking” – Max Born
We always think of self-esteem as either low or high. People with low self-esteem, it is said, would think themselves as less than others, while the ones with high self-esteem are thought to be thinking of themselves as do it all. In other words, they can do whatever they put their mind to. These are successful people who seem to have it all. It’s considered a wonderful place to be.
Both self-esteems are driven by ego and sometimes even those with all the success can come down crashing and it takes time to build the former success for the pieces have to be picked up, analyzed, and strategized.
The above types of self-esteems are based on judging others or oneself. This judgment takes place when a prosperous person feels great because they have done so much better than their peers. Or when we look at our peers who have more than us, we either complain about it openly or internally for not having enough as our peers.
Self-judgment, in terms of self-esteem, is when people compare themselves with who they were in the past. Self-comparison results in self-bashing and over time it can turn into the belief of being a failure. It could also mean that despite the progress in many other areas, people, due to self-comparison, start demanding from themselves that why haven’t they progressed in certain areas(s) as per their own expectation. The downward spiral of self-bashing and putting oneself down starts, and ends up with self-sabotage. Such people never look at accomplishments in other areas of their life or work.
In my view, this is the worst kind of self-esteem. Ego loves self-sabotage because it means it totally controls us, or rather we allow it to control our mind, and our behavior.
This is not to say that we shouldn’t look at our past and learn from it. There is a balance between introspection and making corrections, and constantly questioning ourselves.
Spirituality based self-esteem is something that brings contentment, success and abundance because there is no comparison, no complaining, and no competition. It is seeing the way things are and accepting them.
Spirituality based self-esteem is when we:
- Feel we deserve abundance.
- Feel connected with all other humans.
- Take success at its face value instead of thinking it as better than others.
- Do not compare our situation with those who have less than us.
- Focus on being grateful for what we have.
- Do not complain even when or if we suffer a loss.
- Embrace the reality with love even when things don’t go our way.
- Value humans instead of planning to control others.
What sort of self-esteem do you have?