You can take a horse to water but you can’t make it drink!
I was talking to a friend when she lamented about the cold weather of New York. I heard and thought silently, ‘Of course, it’s the end of October which means the start of winters. It is expected the temperature to drop.’
Then she said how she has been so feeling. Her nose was congested and she felt irritation in her throat.
“It helped only when I wore warm clothes. Anti allergic medicine helped unblock my nose.” she said.
“Use essential oils at the start of the symptoms,” I immediately chimed in.
“Which oil. I can get them from Whole Foods,” she said. Her remark triggered a deja vu feelings and I wondered why?
This time, instead of thinking of rescuing her I said, “When you were sick last time, I sent you the names of oils and the photos of the oil bottles.”
“I don’t remember,” she said. But I remembered her condition was extremely bad when I talked to her last winters. I suggested using oils and she agreed. I raved about the benefits of the oils and even told her where she would be able to find it.
Then I called her after a week, she said she has become better and doesn’t need it. I was disappointed and frustrated. I wasted my time on texting and talking about the oils. Recently I realized this is our pattern. She says something and I suggest something to her, and we discuss about it in the light of how it would affect her health or diseases that she has. Then she agrees to eat or do whatever I suggest. But when I follow up with her, she says that she didn’t have time, or…
Today I remembered our pattern. So, instead of immediately attempting to rescue her I told her to look in her old text. I felt good about it because it’s not my duty to rescue anyone, no matter how much I love them.
Today’s call triggered a question.
Why do we want to rescue?
- To show our love.
- To satisfy our ego and feel good that people are listening to us and doing whatever we tell them. It boosts our self-image.
For the first time I realized that the second reason plays a bigger role than the first one.