Traps

I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere in the world –  Harun Yahya

Some of us are never satisfied with what we have.  We always want change. We want to move onto another thing, another place, another job, another friend.  We may become antsy after living in a place for a few years.  I have had some of these traits. I realized this way we don’t:

  1. have to be intimate with anyone
  2. Instead of facing ourselves, we keep ourselves busy so we don’t have to look within
  3. Our time passes really well
  4. Get close to anyone

This pattern makes us feel that we are trapped in our lives, in our jobs, in our friends or spouse’s presence.  So we think the way to avoid this is to change location, people, events and other experience.  Sometimes we may end up buying new cars or new gadget in order to face our feelings.

Life is very simple.  We don’t need complications to avoid the reality or seeing ourselves!

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Why do you want to rescue others?

You can take a horse to water but you can’t make it drink!

I was talking to a friend when she lamented about the cold weather of New York.  I heard and thought silently, ‘Of course, it’s the end of October which means the start of winters. It is expected the temperature to drop.’

Then she said how she has been so feeling.  Her nose was congested and she felt irritation in her throat.

“It helped only when I wore warm clothes.  Anti allergic medicine helped unblock my  nose.” she said.

“Use essential oils at the start of the symptoms,” I  immediately chimed in.

“Which oil.  I can get them from Whole Foods,” she said.   Her remark triggered a deja vu feelings and I wondered why?

This time, instead of thinking of rescuing her I  said, “When you were sick last time, I sent you the names of oils and the photos of the oil bottles.”

“I don’t remember,” she said.  But I remembered her condition was extremely bad when I talked to her last winters.  I suggested using oils and she agreed.  I raved about the benefits of the oils and even told her where she would be able to find it.

Then I called her after a week, she said she has become better and doesn’t need it.  I was disappointed and frustrated.  I wasted my time on texting and talking about the oils.  Recently I realized this is our pattern.  She says something and I suggest something to her, and we discuss about it in the light of how it would affect her health or diseases that she has.  Then she agrees to eat or do whatever I suggest.  But when I follow up with her, she says that she didn’t have time, or…

Today I remembered our pattern.  So, instead of immediately attempting to rescue her I told her to look in her old text.  I felt good about it because it’s not my duty to rescue anyone, no matter how much I love them.

 Today’s call triggered a question.

Why do we want to rescue?

  1. To show our love.
  2. To satisfy our ego and feel good that people are listening to us and doing whatever we tell them. It boosts our self-image.

For the first time I realized that the second reason plays a bigger role than the first one.

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Is patience same as acceptance?

Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting – Anonymous

 Patience is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset, the word search from Google revealed.

According to this definition, we need to be patient when we don’t get the results we want, or when others are rude or misbehaving.  It means we need to extend patience not only to others but to ourselves as well, especially when we start a project and want to finish it as quickly as possible, or we want justice in a situation.

The above approach indicates our thought process, which sprouts from our values, that we learn growing up, that others are not adhering to our guidelines.  Similarly, internal impatience is the result of our instant gratification attitude.

Patience, to me, is allowing others to act or behave the way they want.  That doesn’t mean tolerating abuse.  We have to set boundaries in every relationship.  However, when others’ opinion differ from ours, it is then we need patience the most.  Why?  Because our way is not the only way.  Extending patience to ourselves mean we need to create a space, i.e., give ourselves time allowance, to complete the project or achieve the desired results.

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What does a rejection stir in you?

Why do ejections hurt?

We are gregarious animals and by nature we want to be accepted by others.  We equate acceptance with love and rejection with dislike.  No one likes to be disliked.  But the fact is that rejections are not because of us.  A mother may not give a child junk food because she wants the child to be healthy as sugar may cause not only makes a person hyper, but over long time it puts pressure on pancreas which has to produce insulin to absorb sugar. Any type of artificial sweet causes the blood to spike up with energy and after a while and we feel elated.  However, when all the sugar is gone, one feels depressed because of low energy.

As adults we have expectations from others and we want everyone to like us, our work, our opinions, and everything belonging to us.  This is where the problem arises because it shows that our attitude becomes materialist.  We think our inner void would fill with the outer satisfactory moment.  Unfortunately, this can’t be far from truth.

According to Psychology Today, In our hunter/gatherer past, being ostracized from our tribes was akin to a death sentence, as we were unlikely to survive for long alone.” 

We no longer live in those days and the type of rejections have also changed.  Sometimes a rejection can be a blessing in disguise.

What type of rejections affect you the most?  How do you deal with a rejection?

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What do you project onto others?

For it’s only your own sins you see in him – A Course in Miracles

I was comfortably sitting with friend in the foyer of a school waiting for the rain to stop.  Another friend called me.  I picked up the telephone and walked away to the front glass door get some privacy.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw a mother carrying a bicycle.  My instinct was to open the door but then I didn’t feel like, so I turned my face away.  As the mother approached the door, my friend who was sitting, said something to me.  I thought she was telling me to open the door for the woman.  I was already feeling guilty because I’m always the first one to help people.  So, I snapped at the friend and said, “I’m at the phone.”  Then I looked outside and saw my other friend who was talking to me on the phone.

I completed the call and apologized to the friend.  I realized that it’s our own feelings we project onto others.

 

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How does our perception affects us?

There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are doors of perception –  Aldous Huxley

What we perceive of others has nothing to do with others.  It’s what we have inside makes us see in others.  Although, at times it could be hard to acknowledge that, especially if one is living with a sex addict, or any type of addicts.  But they, or everyone else, do because who they are.  There is no space for the other person in that equation.  Feeling a victim then becomes our perception of ourselves.  No one can make us feel the way we do.  That is not to say that we were not victimize.  As Wayne Dyer said, “If you squeeze an orange, you will only get orange juice.”    Ours or others addiction in not because of others, it’s what’s inside us.

This life contrast of wanting a faithful partner and not having one prepares us to live an advantaged life.  That’s if we are willing to.  Contrast is there to make us focus on what we want, not to live a disadvantaged life.

One way to live an advantaged life is to recognize what’s happening and what one needs to do to live a life of one’s own desire.  Then move forward with breaking self-made boundaries of: What will others think, What does my culture say, I won’t be a good if I hurt my partner, my relatives…

How do you perceive others and yourself?

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Patience can be an indicator of change

Patience is considered a virtue.  Patience means we have to wait to get the results we want. Sometimes patience is said to go hand in hand with trust.

I think, patience brings our underlying irritation into light.  True we have to wait many a times to achieve what we want, after doing everything that is required.  A woman has to wait for nine months, from conception to brining a baby into this world.

But there is a fine line between patience, procrastination, and disappointment. For instance, when we stall our actions based on others we are procrastinating.  If we are not careful, we can either procrastinate under the name of patience.  If we do something and wait patiently for a long time, there is a probability that we may lose hope.  This attitude could be dangerous because it can result in losing trust in others and in the universe. It can also create victimhood attitude.

We cannot solely rely on patience for everything.  Sometimes being patience is an indicator of change in strategy to get better results.

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