What does a rejection stir in you?

Why do ejections hurt?

We are gregarious animals and by nature we want to be accepted by others.  We equate acceptance with love and rejection with dislike.  No one likes to be disliked.  But the fact is that rejections are not because of us.  A mother may not give a child junk food because she wants the child to be healthy as sugar may cause not only makes a person hyper, but over long time it puts pressure on pancreas which has to produce insulin to absorb sugar. Any type of artificial sweet causes the blood to spike up with energy and after a while and we feel elated.  However, when all the sugar is gone, one feels depressed because of low energy.

As adults we have expectations from others and we want everyone to like us, our work, our opinions, and everything belonging to us.  This is where the problem arises because it shows that our attitude becomes materialist.  We think our inner void would fill with the outer satisfactory moment.  Unfortunately, this can’t be far from truth.

According to Psychology Today, In our hunter/gatherer past, being ostracized from our tribes was akin to a death sentence, as we were unlikely to survive for long alone.” 

We no longer live in those days and the type of rejections have also changed.  Sometimes a rejection can be a blessing in disguise.

What type of rejections affect you the most?  How do you deal with a rejection?

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What do you project onto others?

For it’s only your own sins you see in him – A Course in Miracles

I was comfortably sitting with friend in the foyer of a school waiting for the rain to stop.  Another friend called me.  I picked up the telephone and walked away to the front glass door get some privacy.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw a mother carrying a bicycle.  My instinct was to open the door but then I didn’t feel like, so I turned my face away.  As the mother approached the door, my friend who was sitting, said something to me.  I thought she was telling me to open the door for the woman.  I was already feeling guilty because I’m always the first one to help people.  So, I snapped at the friend and said, “I’m at the phone.”  Then I looked outside and saw my other friend who was talking to me on the phone.

I completed the call and apologized to the friend.  I realized that it’s our own feelings we project onto others.

 

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How does our perception affects us?

There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are doors of perception –  Aldous Huxley

What we perceive of others has nothing to do with others.  It’s what we have inside makes us see in others.  Although, at times it could be hard to acknowledge that, especially if one is living with a sex addict, or any type of addicts.  But they, or everyone else, do because who they are.  There is no space for the other person in that equation.  Feeling a victim then becomes our perception of ourselves.  No one can make us feel the way we do.  That is not to say that we were not victimize.  As Wayne Dyer said, “If you squeeze an orange, you will only get orange juice.”    Ours or others addiction in not because of others, it’s what’s inside us.

This life contrast of wanting a faithful partner and not having one prepares us to live an advantaged life.  That’s if we are willing to.  Contrast is there to make us focus on what we want, not to live a disadvantaged life.

One way to live an advantaged life is to recognize what’s happening and what one needs to do to live a life of one’s own desire.  Then move forward with breaking self-made boundaries of: What will others think, What does my culture say, I won’t be a good if I hurt my partner, my relatives…

How do you perceive others and yourself?

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Patience can be an indicator of change

Patience is considered a virtue.  Patience means we have to wait to get the results we want. Sometimes patience is said to go hand in hand with trust.

I think, patience brings our underlying irritation into light.  True we have to wait many a times to achieve what we want, after doing everything that is required.  A woman has to wait for nine months, from conception to brining a baby into this world.

But there is a fine line between patience, procrastination, and disappointment. For instance, when we stall our actions based on others we are procrastinating.  If we are not careful, we can either procrastinate under the name of patience.  If we do something and wait patiently for a long time, there is a probability that we may lose hope.  This attitude could be dangerous because it can result in losing trust in others and in the universe. It can also create victimhood attitude.

We cannot solely rely on patience for everything.  Sometimes being patience is an indicator of change in strategy to get better results.

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What triggers your stress?

It’s not the weight that breaks you down.  It’s the way you carry it.  Lou Holts

Stress is the modern man’s habit.  The seed of stress is sewn when we think our external circumstances will make us happy.   If or when that doesn’t happen, then we think of ways to control our external environment.  Over time this seed becomes a full grown plant and then becomes our habit.  We start looking at everything with the lenses of stress.  The body gets accustomed to receiving cortisol that is released by stress and starts  craving it.  The body, in the absence of cortisol, releases the feelings of lack, inadequacy among others.  The feelings send a signal to mind that it needs to release cortisol.  Gradually the body starts controlling the mind.  The classic case of stress is when we are stressed because we have nothing to worry about.

To get out of this cycle, we need to detach oneself from those feelings and realize that they are created when we think and derive our emotions from the past experience.  Meditation quietens the mind and helps us think clearly.

What triggers your stress?

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What triggers your stress addiction?

Stress is the modern man’s habit.  The seed of stress is sewn when we think our external circumstances will make us happy.   If or when that doesn’t happen, then we think of ways to control our external environment.  Over time this seed becomes a full grown plant and then becomes our habit.  We start looking at everything with the lenses of stress.  We get so accustomed to stress because it releases cortisol in the body.  Over time, body loves cortisol and wants more of it.  So it releases the feelings of lack, inadequacy, and the list goes on.  These emotions create feelings, which in turn, send a signal to mind that it needs to release cortisol.  Gradually the body starts controlling the mind.  The classic case of stress is when we are stressed because we have nothing to worry about.

To get out of this cycle, we need to detach oneself from those feelings and realize that they are created when we think and derive our emotions from the past experience.  Meditation quietens the mind and helps us think clearly.

What triggers your stress?

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What do you see in the mirror of life?

Life if a mirror and will reflect back to the thinker what he thinks into it – Ernest Holmes

Anita, a single woman, visited her friend who she had asked Anita to babysit and house sit for her because she was going on a trip.  Anita, who is a neat freak, started tidying up the house after her friend’s departure.  She found the outer box of children’s medicine with its flaps open.

“Aggghhh… When will my friend learn to be tidy, and stop being careless?” said Anita to herself. Then Anita remembered that she didn’t see a syringe to dispense off the medicine, while she was closing the box.  “How careless is my friend,” said Anita and felt extremely frustrated.

The friend returned after a couple of days and asked Anita if she could stay for a few more days.  Anita agreed.  Next day the friend instructed Anita about dispensing the to the child and left for work.

For the next two days every time Anita gave medicine to the child, she got frustrated because the syringe was missing.  “How careless my friend is because she didn’t return the syringe in the box. Only if she could be a little more careful.  I think she took it with her when she was traveling and then must have left behind.”  Then Anita would talk to herself saying that spoon was as good as the syringe, and so on.  No matter how much she reasoned with herself, Anita still blamed the friend for being careless.

On the third day, when Anita opened half-filled bottle, she had put away on the day her friend left the house, she found the syringe in the bottle.

It was an eye opening moment.  She thought how for days she had been judging her friend and getting frustrated for nothing.  Then she asked herself, “Who else or where else do I use my outlook?”  Anita also thought, “Perhaps, I also project actions onto others!  And I wonder where else in my life I continue with my habit.”

And gradually the things started unfolding and revealed to her judgments.  Many a times, when we judge others, we only bring anguish to ourselves.

Do you judge, or project your behavior onto others?

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