“Everything happens for a reason” – ˆˆ A quote in spirituality
“Dearest, there are no accidents,” said the woman in the movie when she read her friend’s letter.
An out of town friend was visiting me today. We met several years ago and then we lost touch. Thanks to Facebook we got connected again and I found out that she moved about a hundred miles away from where I live. We had planned her visit several weeks ago. I was so excited that I stayed awake until after midnight, shopping, cleaning and prepping things for our lunch.
This morning I had planned to cook lunch and prepare everything before her arrival at 10:00 am.So I excitedly soaked the rice as soon as I woke up. Then I browned the onions and started preparing lunch. I was dying to have coffee but waited for her. Around 8:30 am, she asked if she could come at 9:30. I told her 10:00 would be better because I had planned on picking something before she came, and if she were to come earlier I wouldn’t be able to do so. Then I realized how rigid this makes me. I’m there to enjoy her company and we could go together to pick up the things. So I told her 9:30 was fine.
So, I quickly had breakfast and started cooking thinking I should finish before her arrival. Soon she informed me that her tyre was punctured and she had to wait for the shops to open; at ten. Then she texted me around 10:30 and everything looked rather complicated. She suggested meeting where she was but I was so disappointed that I couldn’t bring myself to drive.
All of a sudden I started feeling cold. I drank broth, then orange and carrot juice. Nothing happened I was still cold. Then I made coffee and started watching TV. That’s when the woman said, “Dearest…”
The timing couldn’t have been more ironic because I had been thinking about writing a blog post on disappointment.
I thought how disappointment even changes physiology. Disappointment usually leads to victimhood . Expectation is the ground which breeds disappointment. In my case it was not having good time with the friend. I had visualized us catching up, laughing and enjoying the food, etc., etc.
We punish ourselves when our mental pictures are not fulfilled, i.e., when reality doesn’t match with our pictures then we suffer. I was so attached to my mental picture of the day that instead of giving myself some time to adjust to reality I punished myself for why it didn’t happen. Getting attached to our mental pictures means we multiply the reality with zero. We do not leave any room for a change, as a result we get stuck to the picture that we cannot and are not willing to see or accept something different.
Of course there is nothing wrong in focusing on a joyful outcome. The problem is when we affect ourselves when the outcome doesn’t materialize.
|Expectation||Reality||Result = Playing victim|
|I’ll have good time.||Now I’ll not enjoy.||Robbing myself of enjoying the day.|
|He/she will be like this.||He/she is a jerk.||How can I enjoy life when I’m married to a jerk?|
|Boss gave the project to another person.||Boss thinks I’m not good.||I’ll show the boss… I fume for days on end.|
|He/she doesn’t respect me/love the way I expect.||My picture may be different from others.||How come I am not respected/love?
|This is how a relationship should look like.||Oh, why is it not matching my picture.||My relationship sucks because of the other person.|